Now thanks to The Mother of All Pregnancy Books I know that what I thought could be crazy early pregnancy symptoms are actually symptoms of high progesterone, which is a hormone that rises every second half of your cycle.
Exhaustion, nausea, soreness, appetite, all of it can be attributed to rising progesterone.
It doesn't mean pregnancy but it doesn't mean not pregnancy either. It is the body preparing to be pregnant.
So now when I feel those symptoms I'm happy and thinking it shows that my body is doing what it should be doing.
I never recognized these symptoms before because I was having long cycles and not ovulating often at all.
I'm 3 DPO today and wondering why it has to take so long for a fertilized egg to implant!
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Monday, July 13, 2015
DIY Larabars Review
I love DIY and from-scratch recipes. If someone tells me I can make mayonaise myself or english muffins myself, I want to do it. So I was excited when I found DIY recipes for Larabars on Pinterest.
Larabars are delicious and healthy date, nut, and fruit bars. I happily bought my ingredients and made my Larabars. It worked out great.
But I started thinking about something. Dates are expensive. Nuts are expensive. Was I saving money making them myself?
The woman who I got the recipe from said that Larabars are about $2 each where she lives and her whole family loves them. She feels like she is saving money making them herself. I doubt she is unless she gets a great deal on those dates and nuts.
At my Weis grocery store Larabars are usually on sale for $1 each, sometimes $1.39. And there are coupons for them. I find 40 cent off coupons pretty frequently, which double at my store.
So I'm usually paying about 20 cents for a Larabar. That's way, way, way cheaper than buying the ingredients and making them myself!
Plus the real bars don't have any scary ingredients that you'd want to avoid by making your own. My conclusion is that this is one snack item you should just go ahead and buy!
Larabars are delicious and healthy date, nut, and fruit bars. I happily bought my ingredients and made my Larabars. It worked out great.
But I started thinking about something. Dates are expensive. Nuts are expensive. Was I saving money making them myself?
The woman who I got the recipe from said that Larabars are about $2 each where she lives and her whole family loves them. She feels like she is saving money making them herself. I doubt she is unless she gets a great deal on those dates and nuts.
At my Weis grocery store Larabars are usually on sale for $1 each, sometimes $1.39. And there are coupons for them. I find 40 cent off coupons pretty frequently, which double at my store.
So I'm usually paying about 20 cents for a Larabar. That's way, way, way cheaper than buying the ingredients and making them myself!
Plus the real bars don't have any scary ingredients that you'd want to avoid by making your own. My conclusion is that this is one snack item you should just go ahead and buy!
Sunday, July 12, 2015
As Usual, I Panicked Too Soon
I am noticing a definite pattern from keeping this journal. I seem to panic that something isn't going to happen just a day or two before it does! What a waste of my energy.
I was so miserable yesterday. Then I realized that when I took my temp in the morning, it hadn't actually been 48 hours from the time I took the ovulation test. It had been about 40. Which is still cutting it close, since most people report ovulation within 36 hours at most. But technically 48 is still in the realm of possibility.
At work I started feeling nauseous and thanks to a great new book I've been reading I know that that comes from progesterone. Rather than being an early pregnancy sign, it's a natural symptom of the luteal phase of the cycle when progesterone is pumping into your body to prepare it for potential pregnancy.
Sure enough, this morning my temp had risen. So now we're in the next two week wait!
I was so miserable yesterday. Then I realized that when I took my temp in the morning, it hadn't actually been 48 hours from the time I took the ovulation test. It had been about 40. Which is still cutting it close, since most people report ovulation within 36 hours at most. But technically 48 is still in the realm of possibility.
At work I started feeling nauseous and thanks to a great new book I've been reading I know that that comes from progesterone. Rather than being an early pregnancy sign, it's a natural symptom of the luteal phase of the cycle when progesterone is pumping into your body to prepare it for potential pregnancy.
Sure enough, this morning my temp had risen. So now we're in the next two week wait!
Saturday, July 11, 2015
Joy and Pain
What a very rough journey this all is. I try to remind myself that life is about struggle. What would be the point if we never had any problems and everything always went smoothly? We exist, I think, to overcome challenges. But damn this is hard.
Two days ago I was super thrilled. I used my new digital ovulation kit and got a positive OPK result for the first time ever in my life! It had a smiley face. I had never seen a positive. I squeeled and jumped up and down (and then jumped on my husband).
Along with the enormous amounts of good cervical mucus I had an LH surge. We had sex three times in three days, sure that this cycle was finally our time.
The day after the smiley face I eagerly woke up to check my temperature and it was still low. I thought that's okay because it can take 48 hours after LH surge for ovulation to occur.
So today I woke up again like a kid on Christmas morning, super excited to see my temperature and to know that all my hard work was paying off.
Still no temperature rise. More than 48 hours from positive OPK result. It was like a Christmas morning with zero presents. Devastating.
In the previous two cycles I've had the temp rise and not the other symptoms. This cycle I have the CM and ovulation test but so far no temp rise. What is going on?! I'm beyond frustrated.
I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I'm eating really healthy meals but slipping up in the snacking (tempted to cookies or other desserts at times and occasionally using white bread or tortillas in recipes). I'm getting lots of my target fruits, veggies, nuts, and beans. Do I need to get harsher with myself again and focus on not giving in to sugar temptation? (not to mention those free cookies at work are definitely not vegan).
I was so sure that I was finally healed.
I have heard that people with PCOS don't get accurate readings from OPK testers because they tend to always have higher levels of LH (a hormone that surges before ovulation) and so get false positives. I was certain that wasn't me because of never having a positive result ever before. But maybe it is me. Maybe I can never rely on ovulation tests to tell me when ovulation is coming up.
I'm on day 17 of my cycle and still hoping for a temp rise. And still forcing my husband to have sex with me every single day just in case.
I hate my body so much right now. I want to hurt it back the way it is hurting me.
I want to go to sleep and not wake up for about two weeks. I want a way to knock myself out so I can spend some time away from this pain.
A couple days ago I had lunch with some girl friends and they encouraged me to think about doing a GoFundMe/crowd funding type thing for infertility. I'm super uncomfortable about the idea of asking friends for money for my own selfish desire, but maybe it's worth trying. I can't imagine any other way we'd ever be able to afford to do IVF. Would it be too snarky to do the intro: "This is for all you people who said 'Why don't you just do IVF?' Here's your opportunity to put your money where your mouth is."
Two days ago I was super thrilled. I used my new digital ovulation kit and got a positive OPK result for the first time ever in my life! It had a smiley face. I had never seen a positive. I squeeled and jumped up and down (and then jumped on my husband).
Along with the enormous amounts of good cervical mucus I had an LH surge. We had sex three times in three days, sure that this cycle was finally our time.
The day after the smiley face I eagerly woke up to check my temperature and it was still low. I thought that's okay because it can take 48 hours after LH surge for ovulation to occur.
So today I woke up again like a kid on Christmas morning, super excited to see my temperature and to know that all my hard work was paying off.
Still no temperature rise. More than 48 hours from positive OPK result. It was like a Christmas morning with zero presents. Devastating.
In the previous two cycles I've had the temp rise and not the other symptoms. This cycle I have the CM and ovulation test but so far no temp rise. What is going on?! I'm beyond frustrated.
I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I'm eating really healthy meals but slipping up in the snacking (tempted to cookies or other desserts at times and occasionally using white bread or tortillas in recipes). I'm getting lots of my target fruits, veggies, nuts, and beans. Do I need to get harsher with myself again and focus on not giving in to sugar temptation? (not to mention those free cookies at work are definitely not vegan).
I was so sure that I was finally healed.
I have heard that people with PCOS don't get accurate readings from OPK testers because they tend to always have higher levels of LH (a hormone that surges before ovulation) and so get false positives. I was certain that wasn't me because of never having a positive result ever before. But maybe it is me. Maybe I can never rely on ovulation tests to tell me when ovulation is coming up.
I'm on day 17 of my cycle and still hoping for a temp rise. And still forcing my husband to have sex with me every single day just in case.
I hate my body so much right now. I want to hurt it back the way it is hurting me.
I want to go to sleep and not wake up for about two weeks. I want a way to knock myself out so I can spend some time away from this pain.
A couple days ago I had lunch with some girl friends and they encouraged me to think about doing a GoFundMe/crowd funding type thing for infertility. I'm super uncomfortable about the idea of asking friends for money for my own selfish desire, but maybe it's worth trying. I can't imagine any other way we'd ever be able to afford to do IVF. Would it be too snarky to do the intro: "This is for all you people who said 'Why don't you just do IVF?' Here's your opportunity to put your money where your mouth is."
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Changes This Cycle
This cycle I decided to try the cough medicine trick to improve cervical mucus. I read that it has to be a medicine with guaifenesin, an expectorant rather than a suppressant. So I bought one at my work and started using it this cycle.
I was taking one a day from about day 10 on. But I didn't feel like anything was changing. So I also ordered some Pre-Seed and a digital ovulation tester.
Too impatient as always!
I forgot to take the guaifenesin and then the next day I suddenly had a lot of cervical mucus. More than I can ever remember seeing. And that was the day before the Pre-Seed arrived!
The next day was the same. I woke up with a ton of CM.
Needless to say I'm feeling hopeful this cycle. Now I'm just waiting for my temperature to rise so that I can congratulate myself on some good timing. (Not that the stupid ovulation kit is telling me anything).
Almost time for another agonizing two week wait.
I was taking one a day from about day 10 on. But I didn't feel like anything was changing. So I also ordered some Pre-Seed and a digital ovulation tester.
Too impatient as always!
I forgot to take the guaifenesin and then the next day I suddenly had a lot of cervical mucus. More than I can ever remember seeing. And that was the day before the Pre-Seed arrived!
The next day was the same. I woke up with a ton of CM.
Needless to say I'm feeling hopeful this cycle. Now I'm just waiting for my temperature to rise so that I can congratulate myself on some good timing. (Not that the stupid ovulation kit is telling me anything).
Almost time for another agonizing two week wait.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Hope for this Cycle is Over
I've been telling you a lot about how bad I've been but the truth is that I'm still doing pretty well with my diet. I've fallen off in places because I've been stress eating through the two week wait. There's not much comfort to be had and food is a little bit I can get.
But when I was craving ice cream a few days ago we went out and got coconut milk and agave syrup to make vegan low sugar ice cream.
Anyway, the point of this post is that my wait to find out for this cycle is over. It is 11 dpo, so how do I know? My temperature dropped at 10 dpo and I thought everything was over.
Then I read on the Internet about the implantation dip. Apparently it's very common for you to get a dip in temperature around 10 dpo and then your temp goes back up the next day. It doesn't mean that you are pregnant but it doesn't mean that you're not, so my hope went back up.
Everything rested on what today's temperature was. And this morning it went plummeting really far down. And now I'm seeing the little bit of blood that means my period is about to start.
I'm ready for this crazy cycle to be over. My ovulation was seriously delayed by stress but according to temperatures I did ovulate so that is good news. The luteal phase was a little short at 11 days instead of 14 but according to the Internet that's not problematically short.
For next cycle I'm going to work on doing things to improve cervical mucus. After the next cycle if we aren't pregnant then it will be time to get my husband tested (I know that's usually the first step but we happened to find out that something was wrong with me before we got him tested).
But when I was craving ice cream a few days ago we went out and got coconut milk and agave syrup to make vegan low sugar ice cream.
Anyway, the point of this post is that my wait to find out for this cycle is over. It is 11 dpo, so how do I know? My temperature dropped at 10 dpo and I thought everything was over.
Then I read on the Internet about the implantation dip. Apparently it's very common for you to get a dip in temperature around 10 dpo and then your temp goes back up the next day. It doesn't mean that you are pregnant but it doesn't mean that you're not, so my hope went back up.
Everything rested on what today's temperature was. And this morning it went plummeting really far down. And now I'm seeing the little bit of blood that means my period is about to start.
I'm ready for this crazy cycle to be over. My ovulation was seriously delayed by stress but according to temperatures I did ovulate so that is good news. The luteal phase was a little short at 11 days instead of 14 but according to the Internet that's not problematically short.
For next cycle I'm going to work on doing things to improve cervical mucus. After the next cycle if we aren't pregnant then it will be time to get my husband tested (I know that's usually the first step but we happened to find out that something was wrong with me before we got him tested).
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Schrodinger's Baby
Yesterday was 4 DPO (days past ovulation) and I began the usual ritual of driving myself nuts with potential symptoms.
I really tried not to. But part way through my day at work I took a drink of water and had intense nausea from it. I tried to eat my lunch but it was totally unappetizing and my stomach just did not want to settle down.
Naturally I felt swelled with hope and then chastised myself for hoping when it was probably just a reaction to the milk last night (haven't had dairy in a while). But I'm not prone to nausea at all.
Of course I spent the evening on the Internet looking up nausea 4 dpo and had lots of people saying its impossible to get symptoms so early as implantation can't have happened yet and then some people saying it is possible. And I continue to drive myself nuts.
My husband looks at me and says maybe I should stay away from looking up baby stuff during the two week weight. I raised an eyebrow. "No," I said, "This is totally necessary. It has to be done."
[I was able to eat dinner. I was too nauseated to cook but when my husband made an amazing pesto white pasta, I ate four bowls of it! Plus he made me chocolate chip cookies from scratch that I wanted even though he'd never made cookies before. Bad diet choices again]
This morning, 5 DPO, my temperature was higher than it has ever been before. At 5:00 am I was Googling on my phone whether that could mean pregnancy. [conclusion: it could. It could mean any number of things.]
Like everyone else, I hate the two week wait with a passion. It feels like my life is on hold while I wait out a Schrodinger's baby situation. No checking ahead of time if there is or is not a baby. It could be either right now.
A couple weeks ago, when it felt like my cycle wasn't progressing, I had a bit of a melt down. I asked my Facebook friends for advice on how to cope with the grief. One friend, who has been going through infertility too, suggested taking time completely off from the trying.
She thinks I should go on birth control so that I'm really sure I'm not trying.
I just can't stand it. It honestly feels like this only the second time we've ever been able to try. We tried in May 2013. Then I had a false pregnancy and found out I had PCOS and worked for the next two years on getting my cycles under control. This is the first time since all that that I've been able to actually time sex to try. I can't give that up now.
I want to be hopeful that this is our cycle, but I'm afraid of how devastated I'll be if it isn't. It makes me want to fast forward to when I can find out for sure. I hate that I'm living in limbo, wasting these two weeks of my life, trying to make it disappear so I can get to the next point.
I really tried not to. But part way through my day at work I took a drink of water and had intense nausea from it. I tried to eat my lunch but it was totally unappetizing and my stomach just did not want to settle down.
Naturally I felt swelled with hope and then chastised myself for hoping when it was probably just a reaction to the milk last night (haven't had dairy in a while). But I'm not prone to nausea at all.
Of course I spent the evening on the Internet looking up nausea 4 dpo and had lots of people saying its impossible to get symptoms so early as implantation can't have happened yet and then some people saying it is possible. And I continue to drive myself nuts.
My husband looks at me and says maybe I should stay away from looking up baby stuff during the two week weight. I raised an eyebrow. "No," I said, "This is totally necessary. It has to be done."
[I was able to eat dinner. I was too nauseated to cook but when my husband made an amazing pesto white pasta, I ate four bowls of it! Plus he made me chocolate chip cookies from scratch that I wanted even though he'd never made cookies before. Bad diet choices again]
This morning, 5 DPO, my temperature was higher than it has ever been before. At 5:00 am I was Googling on my phone whether that could mean pregnancy. [conclusion: it could. It could mean any number of things.]
Like everyone else, I hate the two week wait with a passion. It feels like my life is on hold while I wait out a Schrodinger's baby situation. No checking ahead of time if there is or is not a baby. It could be either right now.
A couple weeks ago, when it felt like my cycle wasn't progressing, I had a bit of a melt down. I asked my Facebook friends for advice on how to cope with the grief. One friend, who has been going through infertility too, suggested taking time completely off from the trying.
She thinks I should go on birth control so that I'm really sure I'm not trying.
I just can't stand it. It honestly feels like this only the second time we've ever been able to try. We tried in May 2013. Then I had a false pregnancy and found out I had PCOS and worked for the next two years on getting my cycles under control. This is the first time since all that that I've been able to actually time sex to try. I can't give that up now.
I want to be hopeful that this is our cycle, but I'm afraid of how devastated I'll be if it isn't. It makes me want to fast forward to when I can find out for sure. I hate that I'm living in limbo, wasting these two weeks of my life, trying to make it disappear so I can get to the next point.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)