I've been telling you a lot about how bad I've been but the truth is that I'm still doing pretty well with my diet. I've fallen off in places because I've been stress eating through the two week wait. There's not much comfort to be had and food is a little bit I can get.
But when I was craving ice cream a few days ago we went out and got coconut milk and agave syrup to make vegan low sugar ice cream.
Anyway, the point of this post is that my wait to find out for this cycle is over. It is 11 dpo, so how do I know? My temperature dropped at 10 dpo and I thought everything was over.
Then I read on the Internet about the implantation dip. Apparently it's very common for you to get a dip in temperature around 10 dpo and then your temp goes back up the next day. It doesn't mean that you are pregnant but it doesn't mean that you're not, so my hope went back up.
Everything rested on what today's temperature was. And this morning it went plummeting really far down. And now I'm seeing the little bit of blood that means my period is about to start.
I'm ready for this crazy cycle to be over. My ovulation was seriously delayed by stress but according to temperatures I did ovulate so that is good news. The luteal phase was a little short at 11 days instead of 14 but according to the Internet that's not problematically short.
For next cycle I'm going to work on doing things to improve cervical mucus. After the next cycle if we aren't pregnant then it will be time to get my husband tested (I know that's usually the first step but we happened to find out that something was wrong with me before we got him tested).
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Schrodinger's Baby
Yesterday was 4 DPO (days past ovulation) and I began the usual ritual of driving myself nuts with potential symptoms.
I really tried not to. But part way through my day at work I took a drink of water and had intense nausea from it. I tried to eat my lunch but it was totally unappetizing and my stomach just did not want to settle down.
Naturally I felt swelled with hope and then chastised myself for hoping when it was probably just a reaction to the milk last night (haven't had dairy in a while). But I'm not prone to nausea at all.
Of course I spent the evening on the Internet looking up nausea 4 dpo and had lots of people saying its impossible to get symptoms so early as implantation can't have happened yet and then some people saying it is possible. And I continue to drive myself nuts.
My husband looks at me and says maybe I should stay away from looking up baby stuff during the two week weight. I raised an eyebrow. "No," I said, "This is totally necessary. It has to be done."
[I was able to eat dinner. I was too nauseated to cook but when my husband made an amazing pesto white pasta, I ate four bowls of it! Plus he made me chocolate chip cookies from scratch that I wanted even though he'd never made cookies before. Bad diet choices again]
This morning, 5 DPO, my temperature was higher than it has ever been before. At 5:00 am I was Googling on my phone whether that could mean pregnancy. [conclusion: it could. It could mean any number of things.]
Like everyone else, I hate the two week wait with a passion. It feels like my life is on hold while I wait out a Schrodinger's baby situation. No checking ahead of time if there is or is not a baby. It could be either right now.
A couple weeks ago, when it felt like my cycle wasn't progressing, I had a bit of a melt down. I asked my Facebook friends for advice on how to cope with the grief. One friend, who has been going through infertility too, suggested taking time completely off from the trying.
She thinks I should go on birth control so that I'm really sure I'm not trying.
I just can't stand it. It honestly feels like this only the second time we've ever been able to try. We tried in May 2013. Then I had a false pregnancy and found out I had PCOS and worked for the next two years on getting my cycles under control. This is the first time since all that that I've been able to actually time sex to try. I can't give that up now.
I want to be hopeful that this is our cycle, but I'm afraid of how devastated I'll be if it isn't. It makes me want to fast forward to when I can find out for sure. I hate that I'm living in limbo, wasting these two weeks of my life, trying to make it disappear so I can get to the next point.
I really tried not to. But part way through my day at work I took a drink of water and had intense nausea from it. I tried to eat my lunch but it was totally unappetizing and my stomach just did not want to settle down.
Naturally I felt swelled with hope and then chastised myself for hoping when it was probably just a reaction to the milk last night (haven't had dairy in a while). But I'm not prone to nausea at all.
Of course I spent the evening on the Internet looking up nausea 4 dpo and had lots of people saying its impossible to get symptoms so early as implantation can't have happened yet and then some people saying it is possible. And I continue to drive myself nuts.
My husband looks at me and says maybe I should stay away from looking up baby stuff during the two week weight. I raised an eyebrow. "No," I said, "This is totally necessary. It has to be done."
[I was able to eat dinner. I was too nauseated to cook but when my husband made an amazing pesto white pasta, I ate four bowls of it! Plus he made me chocolate chip cookies from scratch that I wanted even though he'd never made cookies before. Bad diet choices again]
This morning, 5 DPO, my temperature was higher than it has ever been before. At 5:00 am I was Googling on my phone whether that could mean pregnancy. [conclusion: it could. It could mean any number of things.]
Like everyone else, I hate the two week wait with a passion. It feels like my life is on hold while I wait out a Schrodinger's baby situation. No checking ahead of time if there is or is not a baby. It could be either right now.
A couple weeks ago, when it felt like my cycle wasn't progressing, I had a bit of a melt down. I asked my Facebook friends for advice on how to cope with the grief. One friend, who has been going through infertility too, suggested taking time completely off from the trying.
She thinks I should go on birth control so that I'm really sure I'm not trying.
I just can't stand it. It honestly feels like this only the second time we've ever been able to try. We tried in May 2013. Then I had a false pregnancy and found out I had PCOS and worked for the next two years on getting my cycles under control. This is the first time since all that that I've been able to actually time sex to try. I can't give that up now.
I want to be hopeful that this is our cycle, but I'm afraid of how devastated I'll be if it isn't. It makes me want to fast forward to when I can find out for sure. I hate that I'm living in limbo, wasting these two weeks of my life, trying to make it disappear so I can get to the next point.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
I've Been Bad
Whenever I mess up on my diet, I get super upset with myself. It's not just my body that I'm messing with when I don't eat right. Every mis-step means a greater chance of not getting pregnant or at putting a baby's health at risk. The stakes on my diet are super high!
Yesterday I made vegan mac and cheese. I was going to use sweet potato instead of noodles but I messed it up and went with regular pasta instead. Then my friends talked me into going out for a milkshake. Sugar late at night plus dairy. Bad, bad, bad.
A couple of days ago I was working until 10:00 pm and then had to be in again at 8:00 the next morning. I didn't have time to cook and pack food and I was starving and moody. I ended up getting one of those 50 cent "apple pies" that come in a cardboard box. Pure trans-fat basically. Oh, but it tasted so good!
I need to stay dedicated to my diet long term. I need to keep on making good choices day in and day out. My husband says I should be proud of how far I've come and how much healthier I am now than just a few months ago. But it's never enough. The stakes are so high that I demand perfection from myself.
I'm in the two week wait now. My temp has remained high for the last four days, which is great. I'm trying not to search for pregnancy symptoms because I'm too susceptible to tricking myself into thinking I'm pregnant.
Time to pack up some of those sweet potato noodles and head to work!
Yesterday I made vegan mac and cheese. I was going to use sweet potato instead of noodles but I messed it up and went with regular pasta instead. Then my friends talked me into going out for a milkshake. Sugar late at night plus dairy. Bad, bad, bad.
A couple of days ago I was working until 10:00 pm and then had to be in again at 8:00 the next morning. I didn't have time to cook and pack food and I was starving and moody. I ended up getting one of those 50 cent "apple pies" that come in a cardboard box. Pure trans-fat basically. Oh, but it tasted so good!
I need to stay dedicated to my diet long term. I need to keep on making good choices day in and day out. My husband says I should be proud of how far I've come and how much healthier I am now than just a few months ago. But it's never enough. The stakes are so high that I demand perfection from myself.
I'm in the two week wait now. My temp has remained high for the last four days, which is great. I'm trying not to search for pregnancy symptoms because I'm too susceptible to tricking myself into thinking I'm pregnant.
Time to pack up some of those sweet potato noodles and head to work!
Monday, June 15, 2015
At Last My Temperature Rose
Day 29 and my temp finally went up. And the next day it was still up. So good so far.
I'm struggling again to interpret my symptoms. We did a good job having sex every two to three days throughout this LONG phase before ovulation. And I saw some cervical mucus, though it never really looked like egg white.
And-- gross out alert--
I got some very different cervical mucus the day that my temperature rose. It was thick and yellow and sticky. Unlike anything I've seen before. Not knowing how to interpret that, I went to the Internet. Which promptly told me that it was an early sign of pregnancy. Oh jeez. It's like WebMD where everything comes up cancer. Just what I need, another potential sign of pregnancy to obsess over.
If my temperatures are even remotely accurate then there is no way for it to be a pregnancy symptom. But oh how I want to believe that it is!
All I can do at this point is keep on eating healthy and tracking my temps.
If there's nothing this cycle then next cycle I think I'm going to try the Mucinex/Robitussin trick to improve the cervical mucus. Just need to find one that is pure Guaifenesin. You don't want one that has a decongestant, apparently.
Other plans include going back to the doctor to get some more tests done if we aren't pregnant within a couple more cycles. Metformin is a possibility. Clomid is a possibility.
I'm struggling again to interpret my symptoms. We did a good job having sex every two to three days throughout this LONG phase before ovulation. And I saw some cervical mucus, though it never really looked like egg white.
And-- gross out alert--
I got some very different cervical mucus the day that my temperature rose. It was thick and yellow and sticky. Unlike anything I've seen before. Not knowing how to interpret that, I went to the Internet. Which promptly told me that it was an early sign of pregnancy. Oh jeez. It's like WebMD where everything comes up cancer. Just what I need, another potential sign of pregnancy to obsess over.
If my temperatures are even remotely accurate then there is no way for it to be a pregnancy symptom. But oh how I want to believe that it is!
All I can do at this point is keep on eating healthy and tracking my temps.
If there's nothing this cycle then next cycle I think I'm going to try the Mucinex/Robitussin trick to improve the cervical mucus. Just need to find one that is pure Guaifenesin. You don't want one that has a decongestant, apparently.
Other plans include going back to the doctor to get some more tests done if we aren't pregnant within a couple more cycles. Metformin is a possibility. Clomid is a possibility.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Getting Your Nutrition
I just found out about this great app/website called cronometer. It tracks calories in and out like many other diet apps but this one includes a breakdown of vitamins and minerals. So important for checking whether we're getting enough nutrients! Also great for monitoring my carb intake.
As soon as I loaded in the food I ate today I could see immediately that I had deficiencies I hadn't realized.
This is going to be super important for me to use to make sure that I'm getting all the nutrition I need.
I'm working on creating a better master meal plan, one that will have a week's worth of food for each phase of the cycle so that I don't have to create a new meal plan every week but can just plug in one that I know works and is full of good foods for that cycle. For another layer I'm now going to put the meal plans through cronometer and adjust to help me get more of my nutrients from food sources.
As soon as I loaded in the food I ate today I could see immediately that I had deficiencies I hadn't realized.
This is going to be super important for me to use to make sure that I'm getting all the nutrition I need.
I'm working on creating a better master meal plan, one that will have a week's worth of food for each phase of the cycle so that I don't have to create a new meal plan every week but can just plug in one that I know works and is full of good foods for that cycle. For another layer I'm now going to put the meal plans through cronometer and adjust to help me get more of my nutrients from food sources.
Must Have Cookbook
I don't buy cookbooks anymore. Not with Pinterest where I can get exactly the recipe I want whenever I want. However, I am definitely buying But I Could Never Go Vegan. I got it from the library last week and I've made two of the recipes so far...
Eggplant "meatball" sub. My meatballs don't look great but they taste fantastic. I wasn't sure what to expect. I didn't love the smell as I was cooking them but the end result was perfection.
and "crab" cakes made with artichoke hearts. I can't wait to make these again. The artichoke hearts were flaky and soft just like crab and the red pepper and corn tasted so yummy fried.
Both were just incredible. They hit the spot for these meat favorites. My husband and I both loved them.
I like how the book is divided up with sections for each potential objection to a vegan diet, such as "It's all rabbit food" and "vegan cooking is too hard."
I've bookmarked just about every recipe in the book. There are so many things I want to try. Today I'm going to do the Portobello Steak and Fruit Cheesecakes.
I am dying to try jackfruit tuna salad sandwich, tempeh bacon mac and cheese, mushroom grilled cheese sandwiches with sunflower cheddar, tofu fish and chips, and fettuchini alfredo.
If only I weren't trying to limit my soy intake! There are so many great tofu recipes here!
I like how many photos there were too. That's something missing from the Veganomicon book. I love to look through pictures and feel inspired by what I could create.
I am buying this book for sure and I highly recommend you do the same!
and "crab" cakes made with artichoke hearts. I can't wait to make these again. The artichoke hearts were flaky and soft just like crab and the red pepper and corn tasted so yummy fried.
Both were just incredible. They hit the spot for these meat favorites. My husband and I both loved them.
I like how the book is divided up with sections for each potential objection to a vegan diet, such as "It's all rabbit food" and "vegan cooking is too hard."
I've bookmarked just about every recipe in the book. There are so many things I want to try. Today I'm going to do the Portobello Steak and Fruit Cheesecakes.
I am dying to try jackfruit tuna salad sandwich, tempeh bacon mac and cheese, mushroom grilled cheese sandwiches with sunflower cheddar, tofu fish and chips, and fettuchini alfredo.
If only I weren't trying to limit my soy intake! There are so many great tofu recipes here!
I like how many photos there were too. That's something missing from the Veganomicon book. I love to look through pictures and feel inspired by what I could create.
I am buying this book for sure and I highly recommend you do the same!
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Still Struggling
Still no temperature rise. I'm starting to panic that my cycle is not going to be a normal length and I'm obsessing over what I'm doing wrong.
I am eating really well but I still have challenges. I've been having too much sugar (found a store that sells the coconut ice cream I love). I'm having a hard time not having carbs in the evenings (even though they are complex carbs).
I also need to cut back on dairy more and be careful about soy. The jury is still out on whether soy really does mess with one's cycle and imitate estrogen in the system but to be on the safe side I should avoid it. Which is really hard! (I made a great almond crusted tofu today).
If stress is really what delayed my ovulation, I need to find a way to relax. Panicking over the role that stress has played is just adding to the stress and making it all worse. I don't know what makes me relax. My husband has his baths that he loves. I nap when I'm stressed. But I need ways to destress when I'm awake. Time to do some research on things to try for relaxing.
I am eating really well but I still have challenges. I've been having too much sugar (found a store that sells the coconut ice cream I love). I'm having a hard time not having carbs in the evenings (even though they are complex carbs).
I also need to cut back on dairy more and be careful about soy. The jury is still out on whether soy really does mess with one's cycle and imitate estrogen in the system but to be on the safe side I should avoid it. Which is really hard! (I made a great almond crusted tofu today).
If stress is really what delayed my ovulation, I need to find a way to relax. Panicking over the role that stress has played is just adding to the stress and making it all worse. I don't know what makes me relax. My husband has his baths that he loves. I nap when I'm stressed. But I need ways to destress when I'm awake. Time to do some research on things to try for relaxing.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Day 17
Day 17 and no temperature rise yet.
I know that I had the most stressful experience of my life last week and that stress can delay ovulation...but for how long? How do I relax and let my body know that it's okay?
As always happens to me these days, I feel fear and panic over whether my body is going to make the transition to the next step or not.
I know that I had the most stressful experience of my life last week and that stress can delay ovulation...but for how long? How do I relax and let my body know that it's okay?
As always happens to me these days, I feel fear and panic over whether my body is going to make the transition to the next step or not.
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