Never Take A Blue Dye Test

Astoundingly when I retested today at 11 DPO, the test was unambiguously negative.

I'm pretty upset that I could get a positive on Monday and a negative on Wednesday. So far no blood so I don't know if I miscarried (seems unlikely) or if I got a false positive.

My understanding was that false positives were not really a thing. The only potential false positive was user error. But that can't be true because I followed the directions extremely carefully.

I had been hearing rumors that the blue line dye tests were not as reliable as the pink. I scoffed at that. Why would companies still be selling them?

Now I'm thinking those people must be right. A blue line test gave me a positive and a pink line test gave me a negative.

I need to see a doctor to confirm what's going on but I'm quite worried that I was never pregnant and so I'm still pretty much as square one.

***

UPDATE: I went ahead and tested with another of the blue dye tests and it was also negative today. I think that suggests that this was a chemical pregnancy, meaning a super early miscarriage.

That would actually be a very good sign, meaning we are able to get pregnant. I need a doctor to confirm it but evidence suggests that's what it was.

Taste Changes

I knew pregnancy came with things like cravings but I am surprised by this subtle effect of changes in the way things taste.

It's a little frustrating.

I've spent the last few months building up meal plans and lists of menus that will be healthy for me and give my body everything it needs to function properly.

Now a lot of those foods I loved are not tasting right.

It's extremely subtle but it's like just about everything I eat tastes a shade or two to the left. My go-to sweet potato fries are no longer good.

And trying new foods is a mixed bag because I know that if I like it then I probably/might not when I'm not pregnant!

This is my PCOS Success Story

I am astounded at the amount of effect diet can have on one's health. WomanCode changed my life, is changing my life.

At 9 DPO I broke down and took a pregnancy test and there is a faint positive.

It's super early days, about three weeks, so the miscarriage rate is still high but still. I have never been pregnant before. To even know that it is possible is a miracle.

I have PCOS and now because of diet my cycles are normal and I was able to get pregnant without interventions.

The only thing I did special this cycle was take the Musinex stuff to help improve my cervical fluid.

I'm still kind of in shock. Will be taking more tests in the coming days! I also have been working on a video diary.

It's the Progesterone

Now thanks to The Mother of All Pregnancy Books I know that what I thought could be crazy early pregnancy symptoms are actually symptoms of high progesterone, which is a hormone that rises every second half of your cycle.

Exhaustion, nausea, soreness, appetite, all of it can be attributed to rising progesterone.

It doesn't mean pregnancy but it doesn't mean not pregnancy either. It is the body preparing to be pregnant.

So now when I feel those symptoms I'm happy and thinking it shows that my body is doing what it should be doing.

I never recognized these symptoms before because I was having long cycles and not ovulating often at all.

I'm 3 DPO today and wondering why it has to take so long for a fertilized egg to implant!

DIY Larabars Review

I love DIY and from-scratch recipes. If someone tells me I can make mayonaise myself or english muffins myself, I want to do it. So I was excited when I found DIY recipes for Larabars on Pinterest.

Larabars are delicious and healthy date, nut, and fruit bars. I happily bought my ingredients and made my Larabars. It worked out great.

But I started thinking about something. Dates are expensive. Nuts are expensive. Was I saving money making them myself?

The woman who I got the recipe from said that Larabars are about $2 each where she lives and her whole family loves them. She feels like she is saving money making them herself. I doubt she is unless she gets a great deal on those dates and nuts.

At my Weis grocery store Larabars are usually on sale for $1 each, sometimes $1.39. And there are coupons for them. I find 40 cent off coupons pretty frequently, which double at my store.

So I'm usually paying about 20 cents for a Larabar. That's way, way, way cheaper than buying the ingredients and making them myself!

Plus the real bars don't have any scary ingredients that you'd want to avoid by making your own. My conclusion is that this is one snack item you should just go ahead and buy!

As Usual, I Panicked Too Soon

I am noticing a definite pattern from keeping this journal. I seem to panic that something isn't going to happen just a day or two before it does! What a waste of my energy.

I was so miserable yesterday. Then I realized that when I took my temp in the morning, it hadn't actually been 48 hours from the time I took the ovulation test. It had been about 40. Which is still cutting it close, since most people report ovulation within 36 hours at most. But technically 48 is still in the realm of possibility.

At work I started feeling nauseous and thanks to a great new book I've been reading I know that that comes from progesterone. Rather than being an early pregnancy sign, it's a natural symptom of the luteal phase of the cycle when progesterone is pumping into your body to prepare it for potential pregnancy.

Sure enough, this morning my temp had risen. So now we're in the next two week wait!

Joy and Pain

What a very rough journey this all is. I try to remind myself that life is about struggle. What would be the point if we never had any problems and everything always went smoothly? We exist, I think, to overcome challenges. But damn this is hard.

Two days ago I was super thrilled. I used my new digital ovulation kit and got a positive OPK result for the first time ever in my life! It had a smiley face. I had never seen a positive. I squeeled and jumped up and down (and then jumped on my husband).

Along with the enormous amounts of good cervical mucus I had an LH surge. We had sex three times in three days, sure that this cycle was finally our time.

The day after the smiley face I eagerly woke up to check my temperature and it was still low. I thought that's okay because it can take 48 hours after LH surge for ovulation to occur.

So today I woke up again like a kid on Christmas morning, super excited to see my temperature and to know that all my hard work was paying off.

Still no temperature rise. More than 48 hours from positive OPK result. It was like a Christmas morning with zero presents. Devastating.

In the previous two cycles I've had the temp rise and not the other symptoms. This cycle I have the CM and ovulation test but so far no temp rise. What is going on?! I'm beyond frustrated.

I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I'm eating really healthy meals but slipping up in the snacking (tempted to cookies or other desserts at times and occasionally using white bread or tortillas in recipes). I'm getting lots of my target fruits, veggies, nuts, and beans. Do I need to get harsher with myself again and focus on not giving in to sugar temptation? (not to mention those free cookies at work are definitely not vegan).

I was so sure that I was finally healed.

I have heard that people with PCOS don't get accurate readings from OPK testers because they tend to always have higher levels of LH (a hormone that surges before ovulation) and so get false positives. I was certain that wasn't me because of never having a positive result ever before. But maybe it is me. Maybe I can never rely on ovulation tests to tell me when ovulation is coming up.

I'm on day 17 of my cycle and still hoping for a temp rise. And still forcing my husband to have sex with me every single day just in case.

I hate my body so much right now. I want to hurt it back the way it is hurting me.

I want to go to sleep and not wake up for about two weeks. I want a way to knock myself out so I can spend some time away from this pain.

A couple days ago I had lunch with some girl friends and they encouraged me to think about doing a GoFundMe/crowd funding type thing for infertility. I'm super uncomfortable about the idea of asking friends for money for my own selfish desire, but maybe it's worth trying. I can't imagine any other way we'd ever be able to afford to do IVF. Would it be too snarky to do the intro: "This is for all you people who said 'Why don't you just do IVF?' Here's your opportunity to put your money where your mouth is."

Changes This Cycle

This cycle I decided to try the cough medicine trick to improve cervical mucus. I read that it has to be a medicine with guaifenesin, an expectorant rather than a suppressant. So I bought one at my work and started using it this cycle.

I was taking one a day from about day 10 on. But I didn't feel like anything was changing. So I also ordered some Pre-Seed and a digital ovulation tester.

Too impatient as always!

I forgot to take the guaifenesin and then the next day I suddenly had a lot of cervical mucus. More than I can ever remember seeing. And that was the day before the Pre-Seed arrived!

The next day was the same. I woke up with a ton of CM.

Needless to say I'm feeling hopeful this cycle. Now I'm just waiting for my temperature to rise so that I can congratulate myself on some good timing. (Not that the stupid ovulation kit is telling me anything).

Almost time for another agonizing two week wait.